So You Want To Join Glee Club?
by Christina B
Summary: This informative guide written by the Sue Sylvester Society for Glee Club Awareness, reminds the students of McKinley High of the dangers of joining the infamous Glee Club.


Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own Glee, but I do live in Ohio.

AN: I've recently discovered Glee and I knew it was only a matter of time before I starting writing some fanfic. About a year ago I wrote an informative "guide" for the Merlin fandom called 'So You Want To Move To Camelot?' and it just occurred to me that it would be fun doing a similar fic for Glee. So please enjoy this fic and I would be grateful for any feedback!

**So You Want To Join Glee Club?**

_Written By The Sue Sylvester Society for Glee Club Awareness_

So you have a song in your heart and want nothing more than to join McKinley's ragtag bunch of misfits—also known as The GLEE Club. First of all let's just face it, you are an idiot, and you are likely to die young as a sad, unpopular cretin because the glee club will have effectively ruined your life by the time you are 30 (if you make it that long). Just look at that sad muppet Will Schuester, he enjoyed glee so much that he is doomed to teach it forever.

If at this point you are STILL planning to join that group of doo-wopping trolls then please consider these few suggestions:

**#1 Will Schuester!**

This curly haired baby somehow got to be in a position of power, but don't be fooled by his boyish good looks! He is dangerous! Not only will he break your spirit, but he will also stink up the room with the excessive motor oil he has in his hair. The fumes alone will kill you, do you really want to risk it?

**#2 Slushies, get used to them!**

Mention this flavored ice treat to any glee club member and they will literally wet their pants. Getting slushied in the face is a rite of passage, in fact Porcelain said and I quote it is like "being bitch slapped by an iceberg". Do you really want to risk it? If still join the bottom dwellers and get slushied, don't come crying to us.

**#3 NO MORE BAKE SALES!**

Nobody wants to eat your tainted cupcakes, and nobody really wants to part with their hard earned money so the glee club can pay for lozenges and sequined gowns. And we don't appreciate the attempts to give us all food poisoning.

**#4 You will forever dwell in the subbasement!**

Not only is glee not cool it is also full of other losers whose dreams of stardom will be crushed eventually (I'm talking to you Rachel Berry). And really listening to that kind of drivel really will destroy hundreds of brain cells daily. And really can you afford to lose them?

**#5 This is not a soap opera!**

For some reason the members of the glee club feel that it is their duty to cause complete anarchy at this school. Whether it is because they all hook up and break up with each other like a pack of sea monkeys, or by causing sex riots in the gym, these juvenile delinquents all need to find homes in Lima's finest psychiatric hospitals and jails. We don't care about the glee club's problems so stop dragging McKinley down with you.

**#6 Rachel Berry!**

This brownnosing little miscreant will make you life miserable if you join the glee club. Nobody can stand her, even the teachers and she can't sing. That's right, she CAN'T SING!

**#7 Music! **

Please, please stop! The glee club has already ruined Madonna and Lady Gaga music forever on their quest to destroy every single decent song on earth. No hard working musician wants their prized work to be trounced on and demolished. Please have pity for these poor unfortunate souls, and annihilate your own songs.

**#8 Cheerios are superior!**

Face it you will never be good enough to be a Cheerio, they are the most important students who go to this school and you will never stand a chance. The Cheerios have won national championships for several years now and the glee club struggles from performance to ridiculous performance. It is survival of the fittest, stay away from glee club and worship the Cheerios and you might survive your high school career.

**#9 Nobody wants to hear you sing!**

It is the truth, get that through your narrow-minded brain, you freak!

**#10 Sue Sylvester!**

Not only is Sue Sylvester higher up on the food chain but she rules this school no matter what Principal Figgins says. So don't get in her way, don't look at her, or speak to her and you might survive. However, she will always accept gifts in the form of cash or attractive track suits. She really doesn't understand why the glee club or Will Schuester refuse to bribe her with nice track suits.

If you keep these few simple instructions in mind, we are sure that you will find McKinley High School a safe and slushie free environment.

This Public Service Announcement has been paid for by_ The Sue Sylvester Society for Glee Club Awareness_ with you in mind. Thank you.


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